trusting...

My best friends... at least 3 of them. I love these women, and it breaks my heart that I don't get to see them every day like I used to. It is such a privilege now when we get to go home and see everyone. This picture was taken about 3 weeks ago at Lauren's shower, and we all had such a great time. I didn't know when we would all be together again, so we took this picture... all four of us pregnant! What could be better than having three of your best friends pregnant at the same time you are, going through some of the same things you are, and having them to talk to when you've complained enough to your husband?

Its not my friends that I have a hard time trusting, but it is them that fuels the desire in my heart to go home. That desire is what sometimes leaves me not completely trusting in God. Lately I have found myself wanting to move home more and more. I've even gone as far to see if there were any jobs for Nathan near Morgantown. I'm sure a lot of it is hormones and my emotions taking a toll on me, but no matter what, I can't get this desire to go away.

I was so excited when Nathan and I set out on our first adventure and moved to Virginia, but very shortly after getting there we realized how much we missed our friends and family. We spent many weekends traveling back to WV. Finally after 7 months we made a move closer to home, and its been so much better. But... there is always a but, I still would rather be closer to our friends an family. More and more, especially now that we're expecting, I want to be closer to my Mom and my friends for support. Yes, we have a couple friends here, but certain circumstances have kept us from being as close. Then again, we haven't been through the same years and experiences with friends here as we did with people at home.

I could go on with a huge list of other things that I'm not a fan of up here, but that would definitely cross the line into complaining, and I'm trying to be better about that. Anyway, this morning during my quiet time I was reading a few different passages and I thought about how God used to audibly talk to people and send others with his Word. I wanted God to talk to me, and wondered why he didn't do that so much anymore. It was then that one of my favorite verses jumped off the page at me.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

God may not have spoken so that my ears could hear him, but he did speak to my heart. Even if I hate being here away from our friends and family, I have to trust in God that he has us here for a reason, and that I am not alone, and he will provide for me. He knows that I need friends, family, fellowship, and support. God may not bring us more friends here in Pittsburgh, but he can fill the void that we/I feel. He already began helping me feel better with a simple phone call from Amanda Jo. With such a busy schedule she is often hard to get a hold of, but God knew I needed a little 'pick-me-up' today and I believe had her call. What a blessing!

I know I have to trust God with all aspects of my desire, unhappiness, loneliness, etc.. I do pray that he will ease and quiet my desire to go home if that isn't what he has in mind for us. Even if I don't understand, I'm reminding myself to trust in God... we're here for a reason!

if I don't eat right now, I just might...

... die, pass out, something! That is a statement that I've heard many of my pregnant friends say over time. I truly never understood that until yesterday.

I have been hungry many times in my life, so hungry at times that I've even said I might starve. But, I didn't think or really feel like I might starve. But yesterday... oh my gosh. I got up at 7, an hour later than I usually do and I was quite hungry. Normally I get up at 6 with Nathan and eat a bowl or cup of cheerios right away. So yesterday I got up, ate some cereal and then got ready for church. I knew I'd probably be hungry by 9, the time church starts, so I took some pretzels in the car with me. I should have known better. By 9:30 my stomach was growling and I was drinking water like crazy. (Ice cold water makes me feel better, plus usually puts off hunger) By the time we got home though, I was saying the statement above. I actually felt like if I didn't eat right away I might die, or at the very least pass out. My entire stomach felt like it was caving in.

Up until now, food has only served me to keep me from getting sick. There have been many times when I've said that I'm tired of eating, I never thought I'd say that. I'm not really craving anything, but things that are cold and crunchy like lettace and fruits at least sound good. Yesterday any food would have been fine, and I needed lots of it. I couldn't get enough to eat.

After I ate lunch, around 11:30, I layed down and fell asleep. I was amazed when I was woken from a sound sleep at 1:30 by an incredibly hungry stomach. I went for some yogurt, a normal snack, and then had to find something else, it just didn't satisfy me. I couldn't believe how much I was eating. I was soooo hungry.

Even today, I'm still hungry and my little snacks every 2 hours or so just aren't cutting it. So I'm thinking my appetite is finally starting to kick in. I guess its about the right timing. I'm hoping more foods start to sound good to me, I can't live off of lettace and fruits forever and I know I can't eat chicken unless its breaded, chicken nuggets are wonderful! Oh well, there are plenty of options, I just have to figure out what I want, which is harder than it sounds

Hopefully I won't ever feel again, the way I did on Sunday. I'd really like to start eating like a normal person again.

If you have any suggestions or stories feel free to share!

relaxation...

This past weekend we were very lucky to have a 3 day weekend. Nathan decided to take Friday off to re-coop and that began our weekend of relaxation. We spent most of Friday lying around, reading, and watching movies. Then on Saturday we slept in but eventually got ourselves ready to run to the grocery store and the mall, I needed some longer shirts to cover up my belly band.

Yesterday was by far my favorite day of the weekend though. We got up, went to the early service at church, and then came home and each took a nice long nap. After that we each picked up a book and read until bedtime. I read from 1:30 in the afternoon until about 9:30 last night, Nathan almost had to pull the book from my hands. I just couldn't put the book down. It was wonderful.

I hope you had a relaxing weekend too!

new alarm clock...

Ace thinks any empty box around our house is a great hiding place

I thought this was too funny not to share...maybe it was too cute, either way...

This morning, like most mornings, I went back to bed for a little while after Nathan left for work. I've found that I feel better if I get a little extra sleep in the mornings. So this morning, after I crawled back into bed and had the covers pulled up to my chin I realized I hadn't set my alarm. Usually I'll set the alarm for 8:30 or so, so I am out of bed by 9. But as I lay there this morning, I didn't want to get up just to grab my cell phone. I could have turned over and used the regular alarm, but I was feeling lazy, and I usually leave it set for when Nathan gets up. Instead I thought I would try an experiment.

For the past few weeks I've noticed that when the alarm goes off Ace is immediately at the door crying. I assumed he could hear when it goes off and thinks we need some extra help getting up. He has also been doing it when I get up the second time. So I decided to see if he had an internal alarm clock.... and he does. 8:59 am and there he was crying/meowing at the door telling me it was time to get up again. I couldn't believe it. So now I don't have to worry about setting an alarm anymore, I'll just wait for Ace to get me up!

keeping secrets...

keeping secrets is a funny thing, sometimes it easy, sometimes its hard. Recently Nathan and I have been keeping a secret from just about everyone, and I truly think it was the hardest secret to keep.

I find that between the two of us Nathan is probably better at not letting things slip, but he says thats because he doesn't have anyone to talk to, whereas I am always talking to people either on the phone or through email. I think its because if we have a secret, and its about us - or Nathan- they are usually about him wanting to go back to school or becoming a brain surgeon etc. , then I am so excited for him and proud of him that I want to share our exciting news with someone. Usually that someone is my Mom, and if I do slip it almost always comes back to bite me and I end up looking stupid.

So needless to say the past 6 or so weeks have been torturous for me! Again, Nathan didn't have anyone to tell, so he wasn't so worried. He did feel for me though, because I've actually had to lie to people, and that isn't something I like to do or should do. So finally we had to give in. This past weekend we let as many people as possible in on our little secret. Wanna know what it was?

the Berry Ann duo is about to become a trio!!!!

Yep, we're adding to our family. This fall, well, late summer early fall, we'll be having a baby, God willing. Now can you see why that was the hardest secret to keep? Its some of the most amazing news and yet we wanted to wait as long as possible to tell people... just in case. But what a relief when we did tell people.

I will say this, it didn't go as I had planned, but it was fun. We really wanted to tell our parents first, and since we couldn't tell my parents in person I came up with what I thought was a cute way to tell them. I bought two baby bibs one saying "I love Grandma" and the other "I love Grandpa" and sent them to my parents. My Mom & Step-dad's anniversary was on Valentines Day so I put the bib in their card, and for my Dad I bought him an early birthday card (his birthday is in Sept...when we're due). The problem occured when my Mom never received her card! My Dad got his on Friday and he was working out of town so he told my Step-mom to open it. Amy kind of knew what was coming, she had known that we'd been trying for quite a while and as soon as she read everything to Dad and they hung up the phone she immediate called a bunch of her friends telling them she was going to be a Grandma. Too funny! My Dad was very excited which I loved, and everyone at his work cheered and applauded for him.

Friday night we drove to Morgantown to Nathan's parents house. Todd, my brother-in-law was in a wrestling tournament on Saturday and we went down to see him... but also Nathan wanted to tell his family on Friday. They were very excited and Linda already wants to take me clothes shopping... thank goodness, my clothes are alerady uncomfy. By that night I still couldn't get a hold of my Mom, they had been in FL. and were supposed to be driving back on Saturday.

Then on Saturday we drove out to Parkersburg for Todd's tournament and after that went to stay at my Aunt & Uncle's house. That made for a night full of laughs as we called everyone in the family and tried to figure out a different way to tell them we were expecting. Some of the reactions were hilarious. My aunt Judy was the only one who figured it right away from the clues we gave her. I was impressed. But again, it was getting late and I still hadn't talked with my Mom. I was very upset that she didn't know. I really expected she would be the first to know! Finally around 9 or so, she called. They had stopped off in Lake Norman to visit a friend and didn't have any cell phone service... boy was she surprised when I asked her if she had some vacation time saved up that she could use to come and stay with us a while in Sept. She was so stinkin excited and got to share her news with everyone on Sunday.

It made for a crazy weekend and left me completely exhausted, and not feeling the best, but it was great to finally tell people. So I'm finally glad that we've told all of you too! Welcome to our little... no BIG secret. Oh, a couple little details.... we're 1 week shy of 3 months and due on the historical Sept. 11th. More than likely that date could change, but we'll hold on to it for now. My next appt. is March 6th, so hopefully I'll have an ultrasound picture for you.

On a side note, Nathan has been sick. Last night he came home, went straight to take a shower to warm up, then got in bed. This is how I found him a half hour later:

After I fixed dinner I asked him if he would come out to the living room so he wouldn't accidentally fall asleep (he'd never sleep through the night) and so I made him a bed on the couch... this again is what happened.

Can we say Daddy's girl? It never fails anytime Nathan is sitting or laying on the couch, Ashley is right there laying on him in some way. I thought this picture was too cute not to share.

Have a great day!!

Happy Valentine's Day...

I love to bake, and Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to make goodies. Each year I try to make something special for desert... desert being our favorate part of any meal. Instead of making it a surprise this year, I figure Nathan knows something chocolately is coming, I asked what he wanted... and this is what he wanted:



This is a double layer Red Velvet cake with chocolate icing and a few red sprinkle hearts. YUMM! Nathan didn't ask for the hearts, but the cake needed a little "more" after I iced it. I must say, as good as this cake is going to be, it isn't nearly as pretty as the one I made two years ago. At that time we were living in VA and I had a lot of time on my hands. Nathan is huge fan of chocolate on chocolate so I made a double layer chocolate cake with chocolate icing, and to give it a little "more" I put cherries on top in the shape of a large heart and put it in our glass cake stand. All together now... awwww. That cake lasted us forever and was oh so good.

This year, I didn't go as pretty, but I know its going to be just as good. I don't know that I've ever had a red velvet cake, so I'm looking forward to it. I also didn't pull out the pretty glass cake stand either. I figure that would have been a disaster after Ace broke one of our crystal dishes the other night... thats a whole different story. Lets put it this way, I thought Ace, who just turned a year old, was like a baby. Babies when they are little have a very short memory, and forget easily. So when Ace was trying to get a hold of my earrings, I put them in this glass dish thinking he'd forget... instead he continued trying to get to it all day long until he somehow managed to break it. I didn't want my glass cake stand to end up in the garbage too, so the plastic cake carrier will have to do.

I hope you all have a very good Valentine's Day and get some baked goodies of your own. If not, we'll have plenty of cake left over!

Happy Valentine's Day

he's a runner...

Nathan last Spring before he ran the

Breast Cancer Awareness race here in Pittsburgh

I am not a runner! I've tried running, but I don't really enjoy it, although the time I was running I did see the benefits and changes it made to my body. But Nathan, he's a runner. Since moving from Morgantown running for him hasn't been easy. When we were in DC there wasn't anywhere for us to run. We tried a few times to run around our complex, but it just didn't work well. Here in North Hills we are lucky enough to have a very nice park only about 10 minutes away.

Recently Nathan and our friends the Mertens have set off on their own running adventure. This May (3 months away mind you) they will run a marathon in Cleveland, Ohio. First of all, I can't imagine running 26.2 miles, my personal best is 2 miles. Second of all, how is running that many miles fun? For Nathan, its a challenge, and I know he can do it and will have fun with it.

So far they have been training for about 3 or so weeks. They run as often as they can during the week and run every Saturday and Sunday. With our crazy weather up here, there have been some challenges. About 2 weeks ago we had an incredibly cold spurt, the wind chill was in the negative digits but Nathan went running anyway. I couldn't believe it. (I'd post the picture I took of him all bundled up but he'd kill me) Nathan, David, & Sally Ann have also gone running in the snow and rain, silly people! I say that, and I call them silly, but I think what they are doing is great. I know that this is something that Nathan said he wanted to do this year, and I am excited that he is getting the chance to do it.

I can't run the race, but I will be there cheering him on, and cheering the Mertens on as well. I'll keep you posted as the race draws closer and their training gets more intense.