a little confused...

wow, its been over a week since we last had a post. Things have been very busy in the Berry Ann household. Both of us have been pulled in different directions for work, then fitting in time at the gym, church on Wednesday (if we go), small group on Thursday, church on Sundays, and before we know it the weekend is here... but where did it go? So yeah, we've been busy.

Now that I have a few minutes to sit down and post something, my mind is still stuck on work. Right now I'm sitting at home working for my boss in WV. I like being at home; I like that when I'm at home working I can stay in my pjs all day if I want. What I don't like, is when I have to go into work here in PA. And here lies my struggle. I want to quit my job here in Pittsburgh. Sounds easy enough right? The problem being, after Feb. my job in WV will be ending and so I will be left unemployed again. I have been looking for other jobs in the area, but I haven't found anything yet. Its very discouraging.

My job here in Pittsburgh is with a restaurant designer. As interesting as that sounds, I've found I don't really enjoy it. Its not as glamorous as it sounds. My major problem with the job is the environment. I work with two guys in their 40s, who I find to be crass. Their language is startling, no matter how many times I hear it a day... I probably hear the "f" word about 20 -30 times a day. I've done my best to ignore it, but when they start in with "GD" I just fall apart. And I could definitely go on about the physical environment, but honestly, it almost sounds fake and is like a scene out of a movie. (If you want to know about it, just ask, I'll tell you)

When things first came to a head, I reached out to some of the wise Christian women in my life, who's opinions I respect. Most all of them said they thought it would be best to pull myself from the situation... especially since I am being affected. I find myself becoming more easily angered, and I've definitely let a few words slip.... that is NOT something that I do. I hate foul language, and since I haven't be around it for such a long time, its been rough.

I've been praying a lot about what to do. I've prayed that God would lead me to a new job, or give me a way out. I think God may have answered my prayer, just not in a way that I expected. Last week while talking to my WV boss, he gave me the option to work for him full time through Feb. and he would comp. my hours. I don't have that many hours, so its not a huge deal.... but there is a fear in me. What happens after February? Once again I'm out of a job, and around here, design jobs are hard to come by. For most people who know me well, they know I hate school... but I've even considered going back to school for something like nursing. I know there are those fast track courses out there, maybe there is one up here. I just feel so confused, and I feel like I keep getting mixed signals...which I know aren't from God (1 Cor. 14:33). One example of this is that last Thursday, our small group read a section of our book about endurance. It talked about how we are to push through when we are ready to give up, and it specifically site job examples. At the same time, most everyone in the group, I think, understands my dilemma and supports me quitting.

Man, I'm bad at making decisions.....

I'm stuck. I really want to quit, but fear is overtaking me at the moment. I've said it many times, but I know that even if I make the wrong decision, God can work it out. I'm sure he has done it many times in my life already. I think I need to take a risk and remember one of my favorite verses:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about

itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

If you read this and something strikes you, please feel free to share it with me...with us. Nathan is being so supportive, and he knows this is a bad situation, but he also remembers what it was like when I didn't have a job and wanted one... I think I was annoying.

Enough rambling for one day...