what a day...

its days like today that really get to me. Since leaving West Virginia almost two years ago, I haven't had a steady job. When we were in Virginia/DC I had two jobs, one was a one week temp. job and the other I didn't get until two months before we left. When we got to Pittsburgh I was so excited about getting a job, surely there would be lots of opportunity in the 'big' city. But little did I know the troubles I would run into here.

Its been over one year since we've been here and I still don't have a job. Okay, I have a job working for a friend of mine in WV, but its not steady and my pay doesn't do much but pay for my gas to drive down there once a week. I don't mean to complain, I do enjoy keeping my skills in autocad fresh, and it makes me feel good to know that I am helping my boss out. But days like today, really reach down inside of me and pull the desire for a real job to the surface. Now, you might be reading this and saying, this lady is crazy...why does she want a job so badly? Its not the job I want, as much as the desire to help us out financially. Sure, I don't have to work, but by not working I feel like I shouldn't buy extra things, want to go out on dates, eat out once in a blue moon, etc. If we had a second income, we could do more and I wouldn't feel so bad if I wanted to go shopping, or needed a new winter coat like I just did last week. (I love cooler weather)

In the past year, I've received a few calls about local jobs, nothing ever fitting. I've gone on interviews, nothing ever panning out. Yesterday morning before I headed to Morgantown I received a call from a headhunter who was looking for a project manager of sorts. I listened to her description of the job and realized I needed to let it sink in so I asked for an email with the info in it, so I could consider it. I got the email and looked over it, it looked all right, but I'm not perfect for the job. I'm qualified in most every way when it comes to education but the job seems quite daunting. I made the decision after talking with Nathan, that I could interview for the position but that I wouldn't be totally sure until I learned more. So I've put that one the backburner until I hear more. I also have a contact that is supposed to call me in a week or so about a part time position with a restaurant designer. Sounds pretty cool to me, but its on hold too. These are the last jobs I've even heard of around there in the past 5 months! Crazy.

I feel like I've tried, but have I really? That question always come up on days like today.... you probably would like to know what happened today that caused all of this huh? Well, this morning I spent 3-1/2 hours at the auto shop getting my car inspected and having emissions tests run, only to find out I needed (at least thats what they said) 4 new tires. Most of your know that my car is only a year old, and I guess its possible, but I didn't think tires wore out that quickly. Oh, and they didn't give me a full year of inspection/emissions... they said it was their policy to match my stickers to my license plates... well they didn't do that last year!

After my morning there I went to pay our township income taxes. The lovely state of PA not only taxes your income once a year like all other states, but they also tax your income just for living here. Every quarter I go and pay a % of our income to Hampton Township, and even though I don't work in the state, I still have to pay.

I definitely could have spent even more money today, but I decided to forgo the oil change that the Mazda also needs, the trip to Walmart and the grocery store.

I often get down on myself for not having a job and helping out more around here. After the house fiasco, I felt that way...."why couldn't I have a job so we had more money?" etc. Let me ask you, do any of you ever feel that way? Many of my friends are stay at home moms, which is wonderful... but I often wonder if this ever crosses their minds. I know from all of this that even after we have children I will want to stay connected and work part-time. I love working from home, so hopefully I can work something like that out.

If you have ever felt the way I do, I'd love to hear your story and if you ever overcame the struggle. I know I can't do it alone, but God can help me through it, (he may use you to help me) he has already saved me from great bouts of despession. I will keep praying for a job, and I have total faith that God will bring something my way. A lot of my studying and learning from church/groups has been about faith lately. It has been mostly about having true constant faith and not asking God to show us continually so we'll believe. I've been able to apply that to my life in a different way, and I feel lucky for the amazing faith in God that I do have.

Well, its getting late and I need to get stuff in order so I can pass out candy and then head to bible study. Have a great evening and I'll see you back here tomorrow.